The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce find emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and news strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs you can try this out to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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